Back Yamma and the case of the Third Buttock.

As my wife laughed down the phone at me on the way back to the camp site from Parkes hospital on Saturday night she slipped in the comment "It was all going too well; something had to go wrong"...................

I was looking good for a decent race at Back Yamma State Forest last weekend.  My training plan had gone well, my new Ventana build was running beautifully, I'd fixed up the camper trailer with new lights and the new camping hot water system we'd just bought worked.  I'd pretty much done the packing by Saturday morning so all I had to do was chuck the fridge into the camper trailer and put my pillows in the car.  Job done and I was away by 8.30, a little earlier than necessary as I wanted to set my new electric trailer brakes before reluctantly leaving the paradise that is Kambah.

Having stopped off at Eugowra to find something for lunch (a not bad schnitzel and coffee from The Lady Bushranger, strange place indeed, but not as strange as the supermarket), I got to the campsite/event venue at 1.30.  Looking around for a spot to pitch camp I spotted Shano, a riding buddy from Sydney, and perched next to.  After getting home sorted we decided to hit up rego and then go for a ride.

I was still umming and ah'ing about going for a ride before Sunday but thought let's just do the first 25kms over a couple of hours.  Then we'll get back, I'll try out the shower, then Pringles, beer and a spot of stargazing around the camp fire followed by my prepared chilli would be an excellent way to spend the evening.

So Shano and I headed out and went really well, comfortably pootling around the course and not expending any energy.  After about an hour and 15, just after we'd stopped for Shano to fix up something on his bike, and within sight of the campsite across the creek, I'd gotten up to 20k's again when whammo-I felt/heard something manmade hitting something else, the bike stopped and I saw the ground heading up towards my face.  I felt an intense pain as I hit the deck with my hip and instantly started groaning quite loudly and writhing on the ground in agony.  I don't crash a lot 'coz I'm a wuss and when I do it's always been superficial injuries, but this felt bad.  I was winded, couldn't lie flat on the ground and I felt like my pelvis had been smashed in.

Eventually Shano came back to me(his hearing isn't the best!) as I was starting to try and get up after working out I could actually move.  I stood up and wobbled a few steps sideways as I realised my leg couldn't take my weight properly.  Stumbling around to try and see how I'd crashed was v painful and felt like my pelvis was trying to drive up into my spine.  I had some very bad thoughts just then, not least I couldn't work out how I'd stacked except that there was a tree stump on the side of the track.  And how I could be so unlucky-the track was flat so I should have just skidded on my side, but a couple of metres in front of the stump was a foot high 45 degree rise in the track that I must have slammed straight into.

I decided to try and ride back to the event centre and find a medico.  I tried to swing my leg over the bike, couldn't, so gingerly lifted it over with my hands!  I started pedalling, felt real pain but as there was no way I'd be able to walk back had to ride it out using my left leg only. It felt like something in my right hip was grinding every time the cranks turned.

Back at camp, the St Johns guys don't arrive until tomorrow, so Shano volunteered to take me to Parkes hospital.  Arriving there about 4pm after a painful car ride (sitting was a nightmare) we found A&E and the system got to work on me.  After a few hours, a bit of really serious and painful prodding by the doc and some xrays it turns out there's no broken bones and I'm basically just whingeing about a bit of bruising.  A few painkillers and off we trot back to Back Yamma.  (Big shout out for Parkes A&E, they're all lovely people there.  Note: if you're a die hard cyclist, let them know you don't wear daks under lycra before they get you to put the gown on in front of everybody....).

Back to base then, an early night and looking very much as though the riding's over this weekend. An early night helped me get some sleep, as long as I didn't move.

As my alarm went off at 6 on Sunday I'm wondering how long to stay-should I just see everyone off or wait til the end?  I started walking around (limping badly), took a painkiller, made brekky etc.  Then I thought-let's just try the bike.  Getting on it (still couldn't swing a leg) I actually felt pretty good and much better than walking.  So I decided to ride!

As we started off in the 100km group (yes, I was still dreaming at this stage) I felt pretty good.  Didn't go out hard and doing 25km / hour was fine, if just a little sore.  This lasted about 20km's at which point the first 'hill' appeared, and my strength disappeared.  I had no strength in my right leg at all and my mate Sean who had caught up to me after a mechanical pulled away from me.  I still didn't feel too bad so I soldiered on past the 25km turnoff marker.  Then we got to the "big" climb on the course, at about 27km, and I was in my highest gear even before I reached the steep bit.  At the last steep pinch to the top I had to get off and walk.  I had absolutely nothing.  How embarrassing!  Here was when I started to think I might not want to do this hill twice.

I kept going but now each little rise was starting to get hard, and my hip was starting to get pretty painful-the painkiller was wearing off.  I was still at an average of 21.5k's an hour at about 30kms when I got passed by another mate who I'm usually much stronger than.  Now I know I'm in trouble.  I kept going but now I was getting passed by a lot of people as the pain intensified.  

I eventually got to the gully drop ins and went down the first chute.  I couldn't get out of it again-I had no strength!  I got off and hobbled up the gully wall which took a couple of minutes as I was limping pretty heavily.  At this stage I realised there would be more gully drops so (at this stage I'd decided I was going to stop at 50km) I decided to ride along the top of the creek bed.  Going past the WRONG WAY sign & tape, thinking to myself I MUST look out for stumps, I hit a tree stump, slowly, and had a slow OTB.  I did manage to land on my hands and knees but the jolt made the physical pain worse and finished off any semblance of pride I might have had in finishing 50km in a reasonable time.

From here until the finish was about 12km and it took me an hour to reach the tape with a couple of walks up hills.  I apologise to anyone I might have been rude to at this point - I was not in a happy place!  Declaring myself a DNF to the officials with absolutely no sense of shame (that's how much pain I was in), I hobbled back to my camp, packed up and wondered how much pain I'd be in driving home.

As it happens the end of the day wasn't too bad.  I found some friends and we had a nice arvo in the sun, and after I'd settled in to the driver's seat and I eventually became able to lift my leg to use the accelerator and brake pedals, it wasn't too uncomfortable.

The damage is below.  A swollen side, inflamed hip joint and a third buttock.  I'll be off work until I can get some trousers on, and off the bike for 2-3 weeks.

Next year, no practise ride!